Boyfriend / Girlfriend Contract

It's been about 4 months since the last time I've posted something on this blog. Time runs so fast. In the past few months that I have been inactive, several things happened - I've had a tooth extracted, I've gained weight, and oh, I'm 24 now. hehe :-) (had my 24th birthday on September 24).

And then something special happened. I met her. :-) Who would have thought that in just 4 months, your prayers will be answered and your wishes will come true. Well, that happened to me. :-)

Finding someone to love and loves you in return uplifts your spirit to wake up each day and face reality that is way better than your dreams. It gives you reasons to smile this much -



Anyway, a lot of things happened to me in 4-months time that I cannot write all of them down. I just want to share this piece of paper - a contract that my girlfriend made and gave to me on my birthday.

I really find it creative, cute, and romantic. :-) I'll definitely do my best to follow what the contract says. :-)


Click image to zoom)

The Vow – Taking The Pain, Fighting For Love: How Far Can You Go?

by: Christian Duran

Introduction Phase/Interlude

----->(You can skip this part, not really that important; just want to set the mood. lol.)


So, there I was lying on my bed at 5:00 pm. I had work last night from 2:00 am until 11:00 am. (was it last night or yesterday? Crap. It's really hard to remember time and dates if you are on a graveyard shift.) One thing’s for sure though; I should have been asleep at around 1 pm to get some energy for another working shift but my body was not cooperative. I have this tendency to spend at least an hour jut lying down and thinking of whatever goes into my mind before I actually fall to asleep. There are some days that I couldn't sleep at all even if I badly want to; today was one of them.


When my younger brother, Ivan arrived from school, he immediately asked me to eat. I told him that we'll go to McDonalds for him to get his haircut in the nearby salon afterwards. But the moment we're ready to go, it was already past 6pm. (Wow, time really flies fast. Is this also an effect of global warming? lol.) We then decided to change plans. Since I need to sleep but I can't, I thought perhaps going to the cinemas might help. Never mind the sound and the noise from the big screen; for me, the cozy atmosphere and the dim-lighted room makes up for it. I was also planning to watch The Vow so I thought it might as well be today.


So off to Robinsons we went. At first we take out 4 slices of pizzas and this noodle thing'' Ivan found (the noodle was freshly cooked with spices, and all. the smell was enticing.)


The cinema room where the movie was played had quite a few people. Mostly by pairs. This is a couple's movie after all. But I don't care; I like these kinds of movies. I don't know about my younger brother but it appears like he also learned to love such kind of movies after I've urged him to watch My Sassy Girl. I can still remember how he tried to hide his tears while watching that movie. But in the end, he just can't keep it and tears flowed. hahaha. I teased him about that from time to time.


Realization

-----> (Now here’s the part where I discuss what I thought about the movie. Hehe)


At first, I really thought that The Movie will have a story similar to The Notebook since it has Rachel McAdams on it. Perhaps a combination of The Notebook and Dear John having Channing Tatum as the leading man. But The Vow was special in its own unique way.


Paige (Rachel McAdam's character, is brave lady). I admire her courage and openness. It's difficult to wake up one day and not to remember what you have done for the past few years and who you have become. The way that she cooperates with Leo, how she says yes to all of those weird things she never thought she used to do with her husband was cool. I can't blame her if she has some mood swings because anyone in her shoes will really have a tough time figuring this out. But overall she displayed strength, confidence and positive attitude.

Leo (Channing Tatum’s character) is a good guy. I was moved with the way how he desperately thinks of ways on how to get his wife's memory back but calmly acts while on Paige's presence. That calm, cool, and charming demeanor is special. I can't imagine any other man having the same attitude in real life (well, except me.. hahaha) It made me smile knowing the fact that the movie was based on a real life. It means that genuine love still exists. “If there's one thing that will never be extinct here on Earth, then that would be LOVE for even the word EVOLution has LOVE on it." - By the way that's one of my own quotes (source: http://christianrduran.blogspot.com/search/label/Personal%20Quotes number 34. Hahaha) and it Leo certainly lives up to that phrase.

I thought of comparing the way I tried to win my ex back to the situation Leo faced but on a deeper analysis, having your wife fall in love with you again the way Paige's love involuntarily faded, is way too much tougher than what I have gone through. To be the odd man and be out of place in every occasion is quite embarrassing. Having your wife's family not on your side and haven’t meet you before in the first place is completely awkward. Having your wife's ex fiancé sticking around poses further complications and heartaches. But Leo took those challenges in.


The fact that he hasn't told Paige about what Paige's father did showed mind control over emotions and deep sense of maturity. How he handled all hose pain is so admirable. (aw, by the way, check the part where Leo tickled Paige as what Leo’s friend advised, and see his reaction afterwards.)


We often hear the cliché phrase, “If you love someone, you got to set him/her free. "Leo’s case is a perfect example of that situation. He signed the divorce paper not because he doesn't love Paige anymore. It’s the complete opposite. Letting Paige figure things out all by herself.


Giving her the time and space she needs is like suicide. What if Paige will choose to stick to her old life and will ultimately forget everything or choose to forget everything beyond what she can recall for that matter? What Leo did was such a risky move because of love. It seemingly fits that Leo was singing along the song “I will do anything for love “at the first part of the movie and of course it seemingly fits why the movie has The Vow as its title in the first place.


"You have figured things out before, you can do it again.” I love the way how Leo delivered that line. You can definitely feel the sincerity, pain and love behind those words.


Overall, I was happy i did not sleep for the last 24 hours and watched The Vow. I don't want to spoil all the movie's details. You must figure it yourself. hahaha. But as I said, the movie is special. The idea that it was inspired by a real story makes it more heart-warming.

P.S. I can't find the exact monologue Leo delivered during the course of the movie. It was something about “Moments of Impact." You should listen to it carefully for you to learn some heartfelt thoughts. Also, during the end of the movie, check out what happened to the real life couple where the story was based. ;-)

My Girlfriend is A Gumiho and My Complicated Story

by: Christian Duran

There's this koreanovela about a 9-tailed fox (Gumiho as Koreans call it) who badly wants to become human. Well, she looks like a human except for the tails of course that pop up whenever full moon occurs or when she's overexcited about something. She has also has the tendency to erupt or to lose control whenever she's mad which is a scary sight to behold.


My girlfriend is a Gumiho - that's the title of the series. Ever since I was a child, I'm really a big fan of fairy tales. My favorite book of all time is "The world's best fairy tales.... it's more than a thousand-page book with stories from the world's well known fairytale writers an collectors, (Hans Christian Andersen, Brother's Grimm, Andrew Lang, etc.) Yeah, I know, it's not typical for a guy to have that kind of appreciation for fairy tales but don't get me wrong.. I'm straight. hehe

Back on track, My Gf is a Gumiho caught my attention when I saw it's trailer posted on one of my friend's facebook wall. I watched the clip and found it funny and at the same time interesting. so, I watched part 1 through my facebook friend's wall post and immediately fell in love with it. I searched for more videos from youtube and luckily found complete set of episodes. I told my younger brother (Ivan) about it and he also watched the trailer and liked the plot as well.


So Ivan and I watched the series through youtube for more less 5 days 5-6 hours each day. It's grueling on my part knowing that I have work at 9pm-6 am. I was so hooked with the series that I forced myself not to be tired in the morning just to have my dose of episodes. I slept like around 4pm during that particular week and then woke at 8pm and get myself ready for work. Literally it was like 4 hours sleep or less per week. I was starting to feel and look like a zombie. hahaha. but it's okay, My gf is a Gumiho was worth the time.


Here's the synopsis of the koreanovela from Wikipedia.

"Cha Dae-woong (Lee Seung Gi) accidentally releases a gumiho, a legendary fox with nine tails who was trapped inside of a painting by Grandma Samshin, by drawing 9 tails to the fox painting. The gumiho wanted to be human before but was not able to fulfill the request of finding a husband because a rumor was spread claiming that she eats livers of humans. During their first encounter, Dae-woong experiences a life-threatening fall, and the gumiho saves his life by giving him her Orb. Later on, Dae-woong wakes up and meets a pretty girl, not knowing that she is the fox that he released. When Dae-woong finds out about what he did, he must try to keep her happy and hide the fact that she is a gumiho from everyone. However, because Dae Woong has gumiho's Orb that saved his life, he has no choice but to let her stay with him.

As the story goes on, the legendary gumiho (later called Miho) wants to be human. Miho (Shin Min Ah) is informed by a veterinarian named Park Dong Joo (who is half human) that in order to fully transform into a human, she must drink his blood and give Dae-woong her magical Orb so that he keeps the Orb in his body for a full 100 days. Moreover, Dae Woong will not be able to date anyone else but gumiho within the 100 days. However, Dong Joo doesn't tell Miho that after the 100 days pass, in order for her to become human, Dae-woong must die. Trouble brews when Miho and Dae-woong eventually falls in love."

The story though magical in it's sense was simple. Nonetheless, you will be hooked because of the "sincerity aura" that you will on the emotions being emulated. On my part I was so strucked by some of the episode because in one way or another I see myself and I remembered someone. Soemone special..


Mi-ho eventually fell in love with Dae Woong but Dae Woong doesn't feel the same at first. He was in love with another woman. Mi-ho wasn't afraid to admit her feelings for Dae-Woong but eventually grew tired and felt so hurt with the unrequited love she has. There was this one episode where she ran and mentioned that she needs to ran fast from Dae Woong because that's the only way to somewhat lessen her feelings for him. "I have to run as fast as I can.. far away from you because I like you so much. That's the only way for to somehow forget this feeling.. cause whenever you're near, my feelings overwhelms me and I can't help but fall in love hopelessly deeper." That's the thought on her mind during the said episode.


Tears fell from my eyes. I was so touched. I understand the said feeling. I have also experienced being so in love with someone who doesn't feel the same. It's so hard. You're happy when that someone is around but then you start to that everything's hopeless because the two of you will never end up together.


Although Mi-Ho loves Dae-Woong so much, she forced herself to be cold towards him. It's so difficult.. I know how it feels. The good thing is, Dae Woong eventually misses the old Mi-ho (The one who's not afraid to shout to everyone that she likes Dae Woong.. the bubbly and happy go lucky Mi-Ho who loves him dearly) and he eventually realized that he also loves Mi-Ho.


To make the story complicated.. Mi-Ho learned that Dae-woong will die once he will return the magical Orb he's currently keeping inside his body for a hundered days. This was suppose to make Mi-Ho human but she didn't know at first that Dae-Woong will die once the orb will be returned to her. She doesn't want Dae-Woong to know all about this for she doesn't want him to worry too much. Also, as much as she wants to be with him, she opted to be away.. she choose not to take the orb after 100 days for Dae-Woong to live although it means that she will be the one who will die.

The series has some interesting twist and turns. Well, you should watch it yourself to know how it ends. I don't want to spoil it. hahahae. You will also meet the veterenarian (Dong Joo) who also cares for Mi-ho making the story more colorful and complicated.


And who was the person I was referring to that I remmembered while watching the series? She's a special friend. A Korean exchange student I've Known 2 years ago..

It was during a program in school where I was a contestant and my role was Sam Milby (not that I look like him.. maybe I was just the one gutsy enough or let me say corny enough to accept the challenge of impersonating him. hehe) Now when I sang Sam's "My Girl" version, the crowd cheered but it was not as wild as I thought. I wasn't satisfied. That's when I saw this Korean girl sitting at the front row and approched her. I brought her up the stage and sang to her to the delight of the crowd.

If you think that she was the one I was referring to.. you're wrong. hehe. She was just her friend. The girl I am referring to was sitting near that particular girl but unluckily I haven't noticed her. At the end of the presentation.. she approached me along with her friend whom I brought up to the stage and kinda teased me for what I did. i immediately was struck by her friendliness and her "bubbliness" to approach a complete stranger plus she's pretty. She's really pretty.

Through friend connections, I managed to get her number and we eventually became close. She used to ask me to teach her with her English and literature lessons. I don't know if I was of help because I myself didn't understand the lessons she wanted me to explain to her. hehehe.


There are a lot of things I like about her. for one she's pretty.. (Well, I mentioned that already). She's a head turner. My classmates envy me. hahahaha. She wasn't "maarte." She likes to experience Filipino culture. She prefers riding jeepneys over taxis.. and even trisikad. Wow! She wants to try eating in Mang Inasl "kinamot" style. I brought her to Mang- Inasal a couple of times and taught her how to eat with bare hands. She enjoys such experience and she eventually improves in doing so. hehe. we often watched movies and stroll during weekdays.


The problem was I was afraid to admit that I love her cause I know that sooner or later she'll go home and we'll be far away. She said that she loves me and she kept on asking whether I feel the same. I never answered her.


The sad thing was, we've known each other around barely 3 months before graduation.. When I graduated, I immediately went to Makati for Pfizer med rep training. We still get in touch thru tetxing. She still asked the same question and I still didn't give her my answer.. though deep inside I know that I love her. I guess she was so hurt and eventually she asked me whether it would be fine for her to have a "boy friend." She said there's a fellow Korean who was courting that time and that the guy was kind and all that. I told her that it's perfectly fine cause we don't have anything between us. That's the time when lost our communication.


The last message I received from her was when she told me that she'll be going home to Korea. She thanked me for all the things we've shared and that she will never forget me. That's the time the I told her I love her.. I guess it's too late. She only answered with a smile..


I remembered all those moments when I saw the episode where Mi-ho was running from Dae-Woong. It hurts. I wish I have the power to turn back time.. It's really true that you will not know what you have until you lost it. :-(

Fate Showing It's Playful Nature

by: Christian Duran





After some weeks of resting my mind on our home, I decided to go back to Iloilo to find new opportunities and I was surprised with what fate gave me. If you were following my blog, you know about her.. ( my Pfizer co-trainee whom I have a crush on) Of all the places that she will be assigned, why on earth did she been placed here in Iloilo? Wow.. it seems like being eliminated on Pfizer’s Initial Training Program was a blessing in disguise for me to be with her. I’m quite happy.. I can’t deny that. But I know.. she already has a bf. (di ko nakalimutan yun..)


Being unfamiliar here Iloilo, I helped her in every way that I can for her to adjust. I accompanied her every time she goes needs to go to groceries.. I gave her instructions and directions on how to reach particular places here in Iloilo where she has never been before. I even taught her some Ilonggo words and it was fun to see here taking down notes on the things that I was saying. It;s kinda cute. :-) Whenever she's free, we spent our time eating lunch together and doing some stuffs to help her.

During the time that she was sick, I accompanied her for her check-up. It was raining so hard that time that I was so concerned about her situation. She doesn't know that I have a schedule for an interview on one of the companies that I applied for but I opted to be with her and missed the interview. I chose to be with her because I care for her.


Being with her was fun. I forget all my frustrations.. We watched Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince together. Actually, I’ve already watched that movie but when she said that she wanted to watch it, I watched the movie again. She didn’t know that I’ve already watched the movie until I told her about it. It’s really hard to keep secrets sometimes. All I really want was to be with her that’s why I accompanied her.. Hehe. We also watched Ice Age the Meltdown. I love seeing her smile and I love listening to her laughter.. It melts my heart and took away all the problems and worries that I have.


However, things are not permanent. After a month of staying here in Iloilo, She was re-assigned to Dumaguete where she is residing. Bu-bye.. (sob, sob ) It’s quite sad but I’m quite happy for her. At least, she’s with her friends and family.. and of course her bf. (yeah.. I know..)hehe.. that's life. thanx for the memories.. :-)

Mahirap palang Magkagusto sa Gf ng Iba at may Crush Pa! waaapak!

by: Christian Duran
















magulo ba yung title?explain ko na lang hah..

ganito kasi yan..

may bago akong nakilalang girl.. magksama kami sa job training ngayon..
sa tantsa ko, mga 2 weeks pa lang kaming magkakilaa..
madalas nag-uusap, kasamang kumain.. umuwi, etc.

pero bago ko pa nalaman ang pangalan nya, gusto ko na sya nung una ko syang makita ko sa interview ng ina-applyan naming company..

nung pinalista yung pangalan namin as qualified trainees, binantayan ko talaga kung saang number nya isusulat pangalan nya para makuha ko number nya.. at ayun nga, nakuha ko. hehe.. :-)

nung dumating na kami dito sa lugar kung saan kami nagtre-training, nagkaroon ako ng chance na mapalapit sa kanya.. na makilala sya.

kaso nga lang, bad trip.. tsk, tsk.. bakit?
may bf na pala sya. haaaay naku. kainis pare!

pero naisip ko, okay lang, crush lang naman eh. tsaka di naman nya malalaman. di ko naman sasabihin.. pero of course, ipinapakita ko sa actions ko na i care for her and concern ako sa kanya..lagi ko syang niyayang kumain.. kinakausap pag kinkabahan sa exam.. basta, yung dapat gawin ng taong concerned at may pagtingin sa kapwa nya....

pero, mahirap na yun hah.. yun bang kasama mo nga sya, pero iba naman nasa isip nya.. kausap mo nga sya, pero may na-mi-miss sya.. kainis noh? pero la naman akong karapatang magselos. anong magagawa ko..eh, ganun na yun eh. kaso may problem pa pala.. plus bukol pa pala.

may crush kasi sya na co-trainee namin. yun tipong di nga nya sinasabi pero yun bang mahahalata mo.. alam mo yun. yun bang kung dadaan si co-trainee, halatang kilig sya..
at pag nag-uusap sila ng iba pa naming co-trainees na babae, alam kong si co-trainee yung pinag-uusapan nila.. kainis nga eh..

awkward kasi yun para sakin ..may bf na kasi sya but she's still sharing to her friends that she has a crush on this other guy. Yeah.. alam ko, normal lang yun. crush lang naman yun eh. pero para sakin, awkward lang talaga. pano kung ako yung nasa lugar ng bf nya? seloso pa naman ako..di ko gustong nakikipag-usap yung gf ko sa iba lalo na pag crush nya yung guy.. mahirap na di ba?

tao lang kasi tayong lahat. in just an instant, pano kung matamaan sya ng pana ni Kupido at mag-iiba tibok ng puso nya at yung crush lang ay mas lumalim knowing that we're far from each other and she's with other people.. fresh face, fresh personality.. crush nya pa!.. pano na kung matamaan nga sya ng arrows ni Cupid.. mahirap yun di ba?

pero may ibang reasons pa na pumapasok sa isip ko kung bakit ganito nararamdaman ko..

hindi rin nawawala sa isip ko na baka nagkakaganito ako kasi di nya ako napapansin.. I mean, imbes na ako sana yung mapansin nya kasi nagpapa-pansin naman talaga ako.. ibang tao pa nakakuha ng attention nya.. nadi-disappoint lang ako kasi di ko makuha loob nya. la talaga akong pag-asa..

mabait naman ako sabi ng nanay ko.. gwapo naman sabi pa rin ng nanay ko..pero ewan ko ba..

ano bang mabuti kong gawin? iwasan na lang sya.. hmmmm.. sa palagay ko eto yung tama kung gawiun kasi mas mahuhulog lang ako sa kanya kung palagi ko syang kasama at mas nasasaktan lang ako everytime na kinikilig sya sa ibang tao.. tsaka nako-konsensya rin ako sa bf nya.. sabi pa naman ng kaibigan nya, sobrang bait daw ng bf nya.. saludo ako sa mga guys na ganun. yun bang mahal talaga yung girl at di naglalaro.. malalim rin kasi akong magmahal kaya naiintindihan ko yung mga ganun..

So, ano ba talagang gagawin ko.. cge, yun na lang cguro.. iiwasan ko na lang sya at pilitin na ibabalewala yung narararamdaman ko para sa kanya.. nahuli kasi ako ng dating sa buhay nya.. minsan kasi minmalas lang talaga..

pero kahit sabihin natin na wala syang bf ngayon.. di naman ako yung crush nya.. in short, wala talaga akong pag-asa. haaaay.. kakalungkot noh? oh, sya cge, magstu-study muna ako.. paaalam.

Beyond My Grasps

by: Christian Duran

As I walk into the room, my heart was beating so fast
My eyes were searching for someone I do not know
My mind was saying something I could not hear
Then suddenly, my trembling feet led me to her

She was a familiar stranger, it’s odd to say
Her smile captured me in every single way
Then I talked to her with words I can’t remember
Looking at her eyes, seemed like I’d be frozen forever

A flash caught my attention
A friend took a picture of me together with the girl
People clapped and cheered
The next thing I knew was I walked away from her

Seemed like i’m out of my mind
I left the room barely knowing her name
And now, she’s far away.. so far away
Will I ever see her again?

Then I realized, I already met her
She was in my dream.. the girl smiling in my dream
Destiny did its job, gave me a chance to meet her
But I ruined the opportunity, I barely know her name

I’m hoping that I will be given me another chance
That destiny will give me another oppurtunity
To meet her again and see her smile
The girl in my dreams

Sad to say, the chance given by destiny
Is now beyond my grasp
And all I have is but a picture of me and her smiling together
A picture that would remind me of her forever..

funny Moments with a Mellow Dramatic Twist

by: Christian Duran

2 months na kming break ng ex ko dat time and within that period I have experienced several quite hilarious moments with her and when i think of it, imbes na mainis, natatawa pa ako.


Nung one time na nagkita kami, (break na kami nun) sinamahan ko xa papuntang Miag-ao. naglakad kami ng pagkalayo-layo para makasakay ng jeep. it was raining back then. Pinapayungan ko xa habang tinatanong kung alam nya ba talaga kung saan kami pupunta. She scolded me and said childishly, “dont talk to me!” sabay lakad ng mabilis palayo sakin habang basang-basa sa ulan. (hindi nya ginamit payong nya. dala-dala nya lang)


Tapos sa pagkahaba-haba ng nilakad namin, more than an hour, ang kinalabasan is mlapit lang naman pala sa dorm ko kami nag-abang. May alam sana ako na short cut. Mga 55 mins sana ang natipid naming time kaso wala akong idea na dun pala kami mag-aabang ng jeep tsaka di nya sinabi sakin, tinatanong ko naman xa. basa tuloy kami sa ulan. hehe, Ayos talaga ang lakad na to! D best!


Tapos nung nasa jeep na kami she said na kanya-kanya daw dapat ang bayad sa pamasahe. Paulit-ulit nyang sinasabi yun sakin. Tapos nung inabot ko yung pamasahe ko, tumingin xa sakin sabay ngiti. Sinama nya sarili nya sa bayad tapos hindi pa nya binalik yung sukli sakin. ayos di ba?


Then there was one time na nagtxt ako.. nagalit xa ksi ang kulit ko daw. Ayaw nya daw na magtxt pa ako. then after some hours, mga 12 midnight na cguro, nagtxt xa sakin at sabi nya paloadan ko daw xa ksi hindi na daw xa mkalabas sa kanila. Akala ko naman na nagpaload xa para makipagtxt sakin kaya sinunod ko sinabi nya. kaso ang tinxt nya lang sakin after matanggap ang load is “gudnyt.” (astig nga e!)


Days and weeks passed.. lahat ng txts ko hindi nya ni-rereplyan. Malapit na mag.Christmas nung mga time na yun kaya pabiro na lang akong nagtxt sa kanya kung anong gusto nyang gift (akalain mo, nagreply xa agad! grabe!)


Sabi nya pera daw. ang galing talaga nya. Pinaloadan ko naman xa ksi sabi nya hindi na daw xa makatxt ksi wla na xang load. Nung tinanong ko kung kelan kami magkikita, agad-agad nagset xa ng schedule. Ang rason kasi nya is because its Christmas, okay daw xa na makipagkita sakin. (ayos na rason noh?) Sinabi nya sakin na 8:30 sharp daw dapat nandun na ako sa meeting place (sa labas lang daw ng jollibee). After 5 mins aalis na daw xa pag wala pa ako.


Ako naman kasi nga uto-uto, nagpaloko. 8 am pa lang andun na ako. 9am na xa dumating. 1 hour akong nakatanga, at naghintay sa kanya at xa pa yung nagalit kasi daw gumawa pa xang assignment. Istorbo daw ako.(walang hiya, akalain mo naman yun!)


Maganda pa naman sana suot kong damit dat time-signiture shirt. Ang nakasulat ay: “single again but now with experience” may experience na magkaroon ng nobya, 1st gf ko ksi xa. Kulang na lang maghubad ako para man lang mapansin nya kaso wala talaga. Sa gift lang yung isip nya. nung hinihingi na nya yung gift, wala akong maibigay.


Hindi pa kasi ako nakabili. gusto ko kasing makita xa muna tsaka sa hapon na lang ibigay yung gift. nagalit xa tapos nag-walk out. nindi nya ako pinakinggan. pinaasa ko lang daw xa sa wala. I kept my word though. Bumili ako ng gift at binigay sa friend naming dalawa. ang friend na lang namin ang bahalang magbigay nun sa kanya.


I hope time will come na marealize nya mga ginawa nya and I pray na matauhan na ako na dapat ko na xang kalimutan kasi kahit ganun xa, kahit di na nya ako pinapahalagahan, mahal na mahal ko pa rin xa..